Tuesday, May 1, 2018

Through the Keyhole - May 2018

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guess the location

MAY 2018
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Through the Keyhole
Take a break from your day...Not your typical
company or newsletter.
It's Time to Derby!
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As May begins, there is lots to look forward to.  We have some really great things to see and celebrate this month.
  •  May Day (what's that?)
  •  The Kentucky Derby
  •  Mother's Day (May 13)
  •  Cannes Film Festival
  •  Monaco Grand Prix
  •  The Preakness
  •  NYC Fleet Week
Most people think that May should be warmer than it really is in Chicago.  The truth is that Chicago averages 66/53 with 8 days of rain.  So there's that.  Summer is just around the corner and you will find it late next month. 

I have never been to the Kentucky Derby but I usually always place a ceremonial $5 bet on some horse whose name is appealing.  Do you remember "I'll have another"?  My wife had that one.  How about "Animal Kingdom", "Giacomo", "Smarty Jones", or my favorite "War Emblem"?  I hear that the Derby is fun but the real fun is had on the day before at an event called The Kentucky Oaks.  I suppose it is a little less expensive and less hoopla...
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The Kentucky Oaks is America’s premier and most lucrative race for 3-year old fillies – female horses - held each year on the day before the Kentucky Derby. This feature race is a $1 Million Grade 1 stakes race and awards the winning filly a garland of lilies, appropriately named “lilies for the fillies.” Like the Kentucky Derby, the Longines Kentucky Oaks race is one of the longest continually held sporting events in American history, and one of the only horse races to take place at the original site of its inception. The race was established on May 19th, 1875, by the same founder of the Kentucky Derby, Colonel Meriwether Lewis Clark, and is modeled after the British Epsom Oaks.

Something Trivial about the Month of May:

1. The month May was named for Maia, the Greek goddess of fertility.
2. In any given year, no month ever begins or ends on the same day of the week as May does.  Prove me wrong...
3. May's birthstone is the emerald which is emblematic of love and success.
4. The United Kingdom celebrates May as the National Smile Month.
5. On May 1, 1931, the Empire State Building was officially opened.
And now for a new picture above- Can you guess where it is by looking "through the keyhole"?   Can you guess the location?

"As the highest Mountain in this country, you'll find a volcano at its peak.  But don't think it will be warm when you summit as climbing season is officially in July and August where you'll need more than a t-shirt to keep you warm.  This scene has inspired artists and poets and been the object of pilgrimage for centuries."

Correct answers will be given recognition but half the fun is trying to figure it out.  The correct answer will be revealed in the subsequent issue.  Good luck and have fun.

If you like this newsletter, forward it to someone else or sign them up HERE.

As always, send any items you think are newsworthy, interesting or just plain odd to news@turnkey.pro

Marbella, Spain - Keyhole Answer


"An Arabic Palace fit for a king lies here as a marble and gold replica of the White House. An hours drive to the Prudential Rock. The people take siestas each day and hablan Espanol. The O'Brien's (and lots of other folks) went there on their Honeymoon."

Last month, Nick Oliveri won the location by guessing correctly.  His answer - " I think it's Marbella Spain, but I'm not really sure."  Great job!

In the chic, sun-drenched Costa del Sol town of Marbella, hints of its former Moorish occupation mingle with modern-day resort amenities. Bask on the sands of famous La Fontanilla beach or ricochet among the area's family-oriented water, wildlife and theme parks. Experience the Andalusian charm of the historic quarter, filled with whitewashed buildings, remnants of a ninth-century Arab fortress and fragrant orange trees. End a relaxing day with a dish of the cold almond soup ajoblanco and some of the region's excellent dessert wine.

The elegant resort of Marbella, situated in the foothills of the Sierra Blanca, on the Costa del Sol, in the province of Malaga. A model Mediterranean resort and firm favourite with holidaymakers from all over the world.

Since the 70s, Marbella has been renowned as a playground for the rich and famous. Yet underneath all the swagger, there is so much more to Marbella. It has a wonderfully cosmopolitan atmosphere, exudes charisma; attracting visitors for its many facets: diverse beaches, mild climate, multitude of leisure facilities, including some of the best golf courses in Europe; Michelin star restaurants, world-class nightlife and International luxury shopping brands.

Marbella is a charming, warm and welcoming city, beguiling to all who visit her. So it’s no surprise that time and again, it tops the most visited city in Spain list. Who wouldn’t want a piece of the action in Marbella?

Marbella’s motto is "a way of life", if you are looking for a holiday that offers great beaches, wonderful all-year round climate, unique leisure facilities, gastronomy and entertainment, then choose Marbella, its way of life will enchant you.
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Video on the Anatomy of a Hack...
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Watch Video Here

Road Rage is Never a Good Thing...

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watch this video and enjoy the ending (we do not condone violence but this is funny)

The Masters

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 In 1934 Bobby Jones requested the USGA to host the US Open at Augusta. USGA said no.
Angry at the rebuff. Bobby Jones and Cliffort Roberts decided to have their own event, which
became the Masters. The Masters is not a Championship of anything. "You are the winner of the Masters".

The Masters is one of the most unusual events in sports.

It's all about tradition, and it's defined by a set of odd rules and customs that just don't exist outside of Augusta National. It's great.

We compiled the oddest traditions that make the Masters and Augusta one of a kind.
Food prices are ridiculously low.
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Tipping is BANNED

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Cell phones are prohibited at ALL TIMES and cameras are not permitted during the tournament.

It's the only place in the world where there are long lines for payphones.
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There's a huge fence around the course to keep out animals.  There has only been one deer sighting in the last 65 years.
Only 4 minutes of commercials are allowed per hour and no blimps are allowed.
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TV commentators are not allowed to refer to fans as "fans" or "spectators" They are to be called "patrons," and the rough is to be referred to as the "second cut."
The Masters banned CBS broadcaster Gary McCord in 1995 for saying, "They don't cut the greens here at Augusta, they use bikini wax."

Players had to use local caddies provided by Augusta until 1983.  Players are allowed to use their own caddies now, but they must wear the Augusta uniform — green hat, white jumpsuit.
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Like many golf courses, there is good fishing at Augusta National, but the players don't like to talk about it because it is forbidden.

In 2011, Monte Burke of Forbes interviewed golfers about the best fishing spots on the PGA Tour.

When Augusta was brought up, he described their responses as "squeamish" and they only admitted to hearing there were some good spots.

A former caddie was willing to tell Burke that the best spots are the creek in front of the 12th hole ("full of bream"; seen above) and the pond at the 16th hole ("brimming with bass").

Fans, oops, we mean patrons, aren’t allowed to wear their hats backwards.

Patrons can bring collapsible chairs to sit on, but those chairs are not allowed to have armrests.
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Running is not allowed unless you are a player.

Grounds crew members used to wear hard hats.

There is an odd myth that the grounds crew at Augusta packs the azalea plants with ice if spring comes early. The idea is that this will keep the plants from flowering too soon before the tournament.

You can't apply to become a member at Augusta.  It's nearly impossible to become a member at Augusta. You must be nominated by a current Augusta member, and new initiations generally aren't accepted unless someone quits or dies. The total membership hovers around 300.

Augusta is closed in the summer to keep the course in pristine shape.
Players are given a brand-new Mercedes for use during the week.
Golf cart drivers who are hired to drive the players around Augusta National also pick up the golfers at the airport in the Mercedes they will be using. The cars also have a number in the back window so that employees can always identify the players by which car they are in.

You can go to jail for selling tickets.
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Twenty-four people were arrested outside Augusta in 2012 for trying to scalp tickets.
The course is insane about who it lets into the tournament and it's illegal to sell tickets within 2,700 feet of the gates.

You can only ask for autographs in one part of the course.

Fans always line the ropes at big tournaments in hopes of getting a signature. But this is tougher to do at Augusta.  You can only try and solicit an autograph on the Washington Road side of the clubhouse, near the practice facilities.

The bunkers at Augusta are filled with mining waste.

 You know those pristine white bunkers? They're actually  composed of waste product from the mining of aluminum, according to Golf.com

Basically, there's this company that mines feldspar (rocks) for aluminum. This process produces waste in the form of bright, pure quartz — that's what Augusta uses.

The old media center was enormous.

Augusta opened a new media center this year and it is gorgeous.

The course used cows as lawnmowers in the 1940s.

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Augusta is its own universe with a tenuous connection to the outside world (see: all the ridiculous anecdotes in this slideshow). But WWII affected Augusta just like it did the rest of the country.  During the war, Augusta didn't have the manpower to maintain the course, so they set 200 cattle loose on the grounds in hopes that they would "trim” the grass by eating it.

"Mad Dog" Mattis REAL Quote of the month

“We've backed off in good faith to try and give you a chance to straighten this problem out.  But I am going to beg with you for a minute.  I'm going to plead with you, do not cross us.  Because if you do, the survivors will write about what we do here for 10,000 years.” 

What Generation Am I In?
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Techie Texting


Amazing Magician - WATCH IT!

If this doesn’t stagger your imagination and tug at at least one of your heartstrings, nothing will.

Pizza Is A Sandwich - Prove me wrong
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Pizza is a sandwich. Pizza is the world's most popular hot open-faced sandwich.

It's a scandalous idea for a scandalous time. But there is a method behind this mad declaration and I truly believe that if you follow the chain of reasoning you will liberate your mind from all false consciousness.

This is not an intellectual journey for the faint of heart.

Sandwich Theory has historically been more ideology than science and to transition from darkness to light is an inevitably painful process (brilliantly exemplified in the ten-minute alleyway fight scene in John Carpenter's They Live when Nada attempts to force Frank to wear sunglasses). But enlightenment demands a ruthless criticism of everything that exists, ruthless in the sense of fearing neither the powers that would stop our inquiry nor the terrifying conclusions we may uncover.

Complete Article HERE

Walking Upright Bear...
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Video HERE

Window that Turns into a Balcony.
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This is a really great idea.  I have no idea how much it costs but it really is innovative.
Video HERE

Church Bulletin Fun
They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for the church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:  

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water. 'The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir They need all the help they can get.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Fridayafternoon.
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
And this one just about sums them all up

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:
'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'

Profound?  NAH.
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How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway...

Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's
face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Why, Why, Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that sofas are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a thread a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the
vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

Conchita's Salsa Verde

This recipe is from a dear friend in Mexico who taught me how to make the best salsa verde.  It is simple but takes a little time.  This salsa is the basis for many things, Chiliquiles, Enchiladas, you name it- this salsa will have your friends asking for the recipe.
10-12 Tomatillos (small green tomatoes de-husked)
4 serrano peppers
1 large clove of garlic
1 small bunch of cilantro
1/2 onion
Chicken bouillon
To begin with, fill a pot with enough water so that you have enough to cover the tomatillos (don't put them in yet).  Remove the stems from the serrano peppers and leave them whole.  Add the peppers to the water and bring them to a rapid boil.  Turn off the heat.  Add the tomatillos to the pot with the peppers, cover and leave overnight (or at least a few hours).
Add the tomatillos and peppers to a blender with a little of the water they have been soaking in.  Also add the garlic clove, cilantro and 1/4 onion.  Blend. Add salt to taste.  If you are unsure of the level of spice, add one pepper at a time to achieve desired heat index.
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Now get the salsa to a thin but not too thin consistency and taste until you have the right level of heat and salt.  You can add water to thin it out.
In a pan large enough to hold the blender's contents, take the rest of your onion and saute in oil to soften the rings and get them slightly browned.
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Add the blender's contents to this pan to cover the onion you have sauteed.
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Add two cubes of chicken bouillon (crushed).  Dissolve and bring to a boil.
Now you are ready to use your salsa verde in just about anything.

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