Thursday, April 27, 2017

Through the Keyhole - May 2017

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guess the location
     MAY 2017 turnkey-color-logo-white 7
Through the Keyhole

Informative & Interesting... not your everyday company newsletter.
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What are these people doing?  What silly British tradition has people dancing around a may pole with ribbons in old fashioned regalia?

These really happy people get a day off to frolic and dance around like a bunch of children and wrap ribbons around a may pole.  What a silly way to celebrate the weather getting better.  I could think of a whole bunch of better ways to bring in the good weather than creating some scene out of Downton Abbey or Little House on the Prairie.  When I see stuff like this, I'm glad I am an American, have decent dental care and don't have to visit the countryside for some silly English folklore.  Crumpet suckers!

How about a music festival with beer tents and some washed up band playing the one song they became famous for and a bunch of other obscure tunes no one has ever heard...  Oh wait, they already do that in Milwaukee.

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Here are some cool things to do in Chicago in May:

Mayfest - Lakeview street festival May 19
Mother's Day - May 14
Bike Lake Shore Drive - May 28
Chicago Beer Classic - Soldier Field Museum Campus May 6
Beer Under Glass - Garfield Park Conservatory May 18
Chicago Critics Film Festival - Music Box Theater May 18
Lincoln Park Snob (I mean wine) Fest - May 21
Chicago Memorial Day Parade State St. from Lake to Van Buren - May 27

I would also be remiss if I did not wish my good friend Dan O'Brien (*aka the most important man in the world), a very Happy Birthday. 
And now for a new picture above- Can you guess where it is by looking through the keyhole? 
"With a chilly pool and high tea at 3 pm, this fudge ridden, no car driven island is available by hydrofoil..."
Can you guess the location?

Correct answers will be given recognition but half the fun is trying to figure it out.  The correct answer will be revealed in the subsequent issue.  Good luck and have fun.

If you like this newsletter, forward it to someone else or sign them up HERE.

As always, send any items you think are newsworthy, interesting or just plain odd to

La Sagrada Familia - Keyhole Answer

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"This sacred place is still under construction since 1882.  It sits in this city by the sea where inflation and unemployment are sky high. By 2026, they say it will be complete."

Last month, Mark Herr won the location by guessing correctly.  He correctly said "La Sagrada Familia in Barcelona."  I love the quick, concise, correct answer.  Thanks Mark.  Hope you become a member of the family soon.

La Sagrada Familia is one of Gaudí's most famous works in Barcelona. It's a giant Basilica that has been under construction since 1882 (that's not a typing error) and it's not expected to be completed for some time yet.

Much controversy surrounds the building of the Sagrada Familia. Today new construction materials are being used which, some feel, Gaudí himself would not have used.
When you visit the building you will see the contrast in the stone color between the front and back of the building. Also the actual style of construction appears somewhat different between the new and old parts of the building.

Gaudí played an active role in directing the construction of the Sagrada Familia until his death in 1926. He would often request that work be modified and adjusted until it was exactly what he had in mind. However today, because of the nature of the existing designs, his work is partly open to interpretation.

Interpretation of the designs by present day architects is particularly challenging because the actual construction stones are irregularly shaped.

The building is still under construction so be prepared to see a lot of work continuing when you visit. However this in itself is interesting, especially if you visit the museum inside the building.

Regardless of all the controversy surrounding the Sagrada Familia it is a truly magnificent building and an absolute must-see when you visit Barcelona.

Quick Spanish Joke:

Un hombre va al circo en busca de empleo. (A man went to the circus to find a job.)
El director le pregunta: (The boss asked him:)
“¿Y usted qué sabe hacer?” (What do you know how to do?)
El hombre dice, “yo…imito a los pájaros. (The man says, “I…imitate birds.”)
El director responde, “bueno… creo que no nos interesa, gracias.” (The boss answers, “well…we’re not interested, thanks.”)
… y el hombre se fue volando. (…and the man flew away.)


This is what La Sagrada Familia Basilica will look like when complete in 10 years (or so).  Pretty amazing...

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See a really cool fly-through of the rising edificio (video here)

Basilica website

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Gaudi often said that his client was in no hurry to build this church and he was right (his client being God).


Frame TV by Samsung (yes, this is a TV)
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Back at CES, Samsung showed off a concept for what it calls the Frame, a TV designed to seamlessly blend into a background and display artwork when not in use to further enhance your living room decor. Today, the company announced that it will actually be releasing the Frame this spring.

While it’s nice to know that the admittedly impressive Yves Béhar-designed screen will be making its way to market, Samsung is still being extremely coy about details. There’s no price, no specs, and no release information outside of that nebulous spring date. It’s unclear whether or not the Frame uses Samsung’s new QLED technology, what smart TV features it may have, or even if it’s a 4K set.

Still, it is rather nice-looking television. It employs Samsung’s new clear-colored “Invisible Connection cable” to offset the HDMI ports and connections away from the box, allowing for a clean and seamless look that lets the Frame blend right into the wall.

I like it.

Damn you autocorrect - NEIGHBORS
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Hi Fred, this is Alan next door. I have a confession to make. I've been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell you to your face, but I am at least now telling you in text as I cannot live with myself a moment  longer without you knowing.

The truth is I have been sharing your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, probably more than you.

I haven't been getting it at home recently, but that's no excuse, I know. The temptation was just too much.

I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies  and forgive me. It won't happen again. Please suggest a fee for usage, and I'll pay you.

Regards, Alan.


Fred, feeling insulted and betrayed, grabbed his gun, and shot his neighbor dead.  He returned home where he poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on  the sofa.

He took out his phone where he saw he had a second message from his neighbor:


Hi Fred, This is Alan next door again. Sorry about the typo on my last text. I expect you figured it out anyway, and that you noticed that darned Auto-Correct changed "wi-fi" to "wife" That's that technology for you, hey? 

Hey iPad Users!
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Go old school.  Buy here.

"Mad Dog" Mattis REAL Quote of the month
"You go into Afghanistan, you got guys who slap women around for five years because they didn't wear a veil.  You know, guys like that ain't got no manhood left anyway.  So it's a hell of a lot of fun to shoot them.  Actually, it's a lot of fun to fight.  You know, it's a hell of a hoot.  It's fun to shoot some people."

Engineering at its finest
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Why can't I stop eating Skinnypop?
1. Is skinny pop made with crack?
2. Most of your free time is spent thinking about your next fix.
3. You imagine that whoever is in charge of making the stuff is a cross between Einstein, Anthony Bourdain and Houdini
4. And while you like all of the flavors, you love white cheddar skinny pop more than most human beings in your life.
5. Most addictive substances on the planet: Heroin, Methamphetamine, White Cheddar Skinny Pop
6. So if I eat the whole bag of skinny pop in one sitting is it still healthy?
7. Skinny pop does not make you skinny.  Just sayin'.
8. Review on Amazon:

"I literally shove giant handfulls of this into my mouth like I've been living in a third world country all my life chewing as fast as I can to pack more and more in there while each time spilling a good 4 to five kernels onto the floor for my dog to clean up. So now my dog is also addicted to this crack/cocaine methamphetamine bath salts combination. The time interval between shoving a new handful into my mouth is maybe 3 seconds tops. This is an epidemic people."

Can't stop. Won't stop.

Companies who shouldn't use sliding door vans
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A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?"
He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."

A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"

An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the blonde man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."

Two blonde men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.
One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?"
The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."

A woman phoned her blonde neighbor man and said: "Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
To which the blonde man replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home."

What do these guys have in common?

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You guessed it - Sex Scandals.

Flight Attendant Report.
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The flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board the flight, so she reports it to the Captain immediately.

“Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking!"

"There is a very pretty, hot and sexy, female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened and the man she is sitting with is an old guy, wearing a funny wig and looks like a lecher, very sullen, mean and dangerous!”

The captain responds, “Patricia, I’ve told you this before. This is Air Force One…”

A drone you can ride.  Sounds safe.
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These Russians not only know how to hack, they know how to build dangerous toys that can kill you easily.  (video here)

Skydive Dubai

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These guys are nuts too (video here).

Parenting Awards
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Kids say the darndest things...

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   (written by kids)  

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff.
Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
--  Alan, age 10

-No  person really decides before they grow up who they're  going to marry.
 God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. 
--  Kristen, age  10 

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
--   Camille, age 10

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
--  Derrick, age  8 

Both don't want any more kids. 
--  Lori,  age 8 

-Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other.
 Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
--   Lynnette, age  8   (isn't  she a treasure)
-On  the first date, they just tell each other lies and that  usually gets them interested enough to go for a second  date.
--  Martin, age  10 

-When they're rich.
--  Pam, age  7
-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to  mess with that.
-  - Curt, age   7
-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them.
 It's the right thing to do. 
-  - Howard,  age 8 

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
--  Anita, age 9   (bless you child )

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
--  Kelvin, age 8 

And the #1 Favorite is ........


Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like  a dump truck.
--  Ricky, age  10

Next Gen Robots - Scary VIDEO

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Take a look at this clip; this thing walks so well...its almost much it emulates so closely
how a human being would walk across a snowy, uneven field and get up after falling.
video here

Creamy Potato Salad
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  • 6 medium potatoes (2 pounds)
  • 12 lb bacon, prepared as in Homemade Fresh Bacon Bits
  • 1 cup thinly sliced celery
  • 12 cup finely chopped onion
  • 13 cup sweet pickle relish
  • 1 14 cups mayonnaise or 1 14 cups salad dressing
  • 2 teaspoons sugar
  • 2 teaspoons celery seeds
  • 2 teaspoons apple cider vinegar
  • 2 teaspoons prepared mustard
  • 1 12 teaspoons salt
  • 2 hardboiled egg, coarsely chopped


·  Cook potatoes in boiling, salted water until tender.
·  Drain well.
·  Peel and cube potatoes.
·  Transfer to a large bowl.
·  Add celery, onion, sweet relish and bacon bits.
·  Combine mayo, sugar, celery seed, vinegar, mustard, and salt.
·  Add mayo mixture to potatoes.
·  Toss lightly to coat potato mixture.
·  Carefully fold in the chopped eggs.
·  Cover and chill thoroughly.
·  Bacon bit tip: buy them at the store already done in the salad dressing aisle.

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