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MAY
DAY!
What are these people
doing? What silly British tradition has people dancing around a may
pole with ribbons in old fashioned regalia?
These really happy people get
a day off to frolic and dance around like a bunch of children and wrap
ribbons around a may pole. What a silly way to celebrate the weather
getting better. I could think of a whole bunch of better ways to
bring in the good weather than creating some scene out of Downton Abbey or
Little House on the Prairie. When I see stuff like this, I'm glad I am
an American, have decent dental care and don't have to visit the
countryside for some silly English folklore. Crumpet suckers!
How about a music festival
with beer tents and some washed up band playing the one song they became
famous for and a bunch of other obscure tunes no one has ever
heard... Oh wait, they already do that in Milwaukee.
Here are some cool things to
do in Chicago in May:
Mayfest - Lakeview street
festival May 19
Mother's Day - May 14
Bike Lake Shore Drive - May
28
Chicago Beer Classic -
Soldier Field Museum Campus May 6
Beer Under Glass - Garfield
Park Conservatory May 18
Chicago Critics Film Festival
- Music Box Theater May 18
Lincoln Park Snob (I mean
wine) Fest - May 21
Chicago Memorial Day Parade
State St. from Lake to Van Buren - May 27
I would also be remiss if I did not wish my good friend Dan
O'Brien (*aka the most important man in the world), a very Happy
Birthday.
And now for a new
picture above- Can you guess where it is by looking through the
keyhole?
"With a chilly pool and high tea at 3 pm, this fudge ridden, no car
driven island is available by hydrofoil..." Can you guess the
location?
Correct answers will be given recognition but half the fun is trying to
figure it out. The correct answer will be revealed in the subsequent
issue. Good luck and have fun.
If you like this newsletter, forward it to someone else or sign them up HERE.
As always, send any items you think are newsworthy, interesting or just
plain odd to news@turnkey.pro
La
Sagrada Familia - Keyhole Answer
"This sacred
place is still under construction since 1882. It sits in this city by
the sea where inflation and unemployment are sky high. By 2026, they say it
will be complete."
Last month, Mark Herr won the location by guessing correctly.
He correctly said "La Sagrada Familia in Barcelona." I love
the quick, concise, correct answer. Thanks Mark. Hope you
become a member of the family soon.
La Sagrada Familia
is one of GaudÃ's most famous works in Barcelona. It's a giant Basilica
that has been under construction since 1882 (that's not a typing error) and
it's not expected to be completed for some time yet.
Much controversy surrounds the building of the Sagrada Familia. Today new
construction materials are being used which, some feel, Gaudà himself would
not have used.
When you visit the building
you will see the contrast in the stone color between the front and back of
the building. Also the actual style of construction appears somewhat
different between the new and old parts of the building.
Gaudà played an active role
in directing the construction of the Sagrada Familia until his death in
1926. He would often request that work be modified and adjusted until it
was exactly what he had in mind. However today, because of the nature of
the existing designs, his work is partly open to interpretation.
Interpretation of the designs
by present day architects is particularly challenging because the actual
construction stones are irregularly shaped.
The building is still under
construction so be prepared to see a lot of work continuing when you visit.
However this in itself is interesting, especially if you visit the museum
inside the building.
Regardless of all the
controversy surrounding the Sagrada Familia it is a truly magnificent
building and an absolute must-see when you visit Barcelona.
Quick Spanish Joke:
Un
hombre va al circo en busca de empleo. (A
man went to the circus to find a job.)
El
director le pregunta: (The
boss asked him:)
“¿Y usted qué sabe
hacer?” (What do you know how to do?)
El
hombre dice, “yo…imito a los pájaros.“ (The
man says, “I…imitate birds.”)
El director responde,
“bueno… creo que no nos interesa, gracias.” (The
boss answers, “well…we’re not interested, thanks.”)
… y el hombre se fue
volando. (…and the man flew
away.)
AND NOW...
This is what La Sagrada
Familia Basilica will look like when complete in 10 years (or so).
Pretty amazing...
See a really cool fly-through of the rising edificio (video here)
Gaudi often said that his
client was in no hurry to build this church and he was right (his client
being God).
Amen.
Frame TV by Samsung (yes, this is a TV)
Back at CES, Samsung showed
off a concept for what it calls the Frame, a TV designed to seamlessly
blend into a background and display artwork when not in use to further
enhance your living room decor. Today, the company announced that it will
actually be releasing the Frame this spring.
While it’s nice to know that
the admittedly impressive Yves Béhar-designed screen will be making its way
to market, Samsung is still being extremely coy about details. There’s no
price, no specs, and no release information outside of that nebulous spring
date. It’s unclear whether or not the Frame uses Samsung’s new QLED
technology, what smart TV features it may have, or even if it’s a 4K set.
Still, it is rather
nice-looking television. It employs Samsung’s new clear-colored “Invisible
Connection cable” to offset the HDMI ports and connections away from the
box, allowing for a clean and seamless look that lets the Frame blend right
into the wall.
I like it.
Damn you
autocorrect - NEIGHBORS
THE MESSAGE
Hi Fred, this is Alan next door. I have a confession to make. I've been
riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to get up the
courage to tell you to your face, but I am at least now telling you in text
as I cannot live with myself a moment longer without you knowing.
The truth is I have been sharing your wife, day and night when you're not
around. In fact, probably more than you.
I haven't been getting it at home recently, but that's no excuse, I know.
The temptation was just too much.
I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest
apologies and forgive me. It won't happen again. Please suggest a fee
for usage, and I'll pay you.
Regards, Alan.
THE RESPONSE
Fred, feeling insulted and betrayed, grabbed his gun, and shot his neighbor
dead. He returned home where he poured himself a stiff drink and sat
down on the sofa.
He took out his phone where he saw he had a second message from his
neighbor:
THE SECOND MESSAGE
Hi Fred, This is Alan next door again. Sorry about the typo on my last
text. I expect you figured it out anyway, and that you noticed that darned
Auto-Correct changed "wi-fi" to "wife" That's that
technology for you, hey?
Hey iPad Users!
Go old school. Buy here.
"Mad
Dog" Mattis REAL Quote of the month
"You go into Afghanistan, you got
guys who slap women around for five years because they didn't wear a
veil. You know, guys like that ain't got no manhood left
anyway. So it's a hell of a lot of fun to shoot them. Actually,
it's a lot of fun to fight. You know, it's a hell of a hoot.
It's fun to shoot some people."
Engineering at its finest
Why can't I stop
eating Skinnypop?
1. Is skinny pop
made with crack?
2. Most of your free time is spent thinking about your next fix.
3. You imagine that whoever is in charge of making the stuff is a cross
between Einstein, Anthony Bourdain and Houdini
4. And while you like all of the flavors, you love white cheddar skinny pop
more than most human beings in your life.
5. Most addictive substances on the planet: Heroin, Methamphetamine, White
Cheddar Skinny Pop
6. So if I eat the whole bag of skinny pop in one sitting is it still
healthy?
7. Skinny pop does not make you skinny. Just sayin'.
8. Review on Amazon:
"I
literally shove giant handfulls of this into my mouth like I've been living
in a third world country all my life chewing as fast as I can to pack more
and more in there while each time spilling a good 4 to five kernels onto
the floor for my dog to clean up. So now my dog is also addicted to
this crack/cocaine methamphetamine bath salts combination. The time
interval between shoving a new handful into my mouth is maybe 3 seconds
tops. This is an epidemic people."
Can't stop. Won't stop.
Companies
who shouldn't use sliding door vans
Blonde MEN JOKES
A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the
shampoo?"
He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair,
and I've just wet mine."
A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant
and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"
An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: "Why do scuba divers always fall
backwards off their boats?"
To which the blonde man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still
be in the boat."
Two blonde men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a
police station.
One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?"
The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."
A woman phoned her blonde neighbor man and said: "Close your curtains
the next time you and your wife are having sex. The whole street was
watching and laughing at you yesterday."
To which the blonde man replied: "Well the joke's on all of you
because I wasn't even at home."
What do these guys
have in common?
You guessed it - Sex Scandals.
Flight Attendant
Report.
The flight
attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board the flight, so she
reports it to the Captain immediately.
“Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking!"
"There is a very pretty, hot and sexy, female passenger on board, who
looks quite frightened and the man she is sitting with is an old guy,
wearing a funny wig and looks like a lecher, very sullen, mean and
dangerous!”
The captain responds, “Patricia, I’ve told you this before. This is Air
Force One…”
A drone you can
ride. Sounds safe.
These Russians not only know how to hack, they know how to build dangerous
toys that can kill you easily. (video
here)
Skydive Dubai
Kids say the
darndest things...
1. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY?
(written by kids)
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff.
Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she
should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10
-No person really decides before they grow up who they're going
to marry.
God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who
you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10
2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10
3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the
same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8
4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8
5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
-Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each
other.
Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a
treasure)
-On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that
usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10
6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
-When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7
-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess
with that.
- - Curt, age 7
-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them
and have kids with them.
It's the right thing to do.
- - Howard, age 8
7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to
clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child )
8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favorite is ........
9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump
truck.
-- Ricky, age 10
Next Gen Robots - Scary VIDEO
Take a look at this clip; this thing walks so well...its almost
scary.....how much it emulates so closely
how a human being would walk across a snowy, uneven field and get up after
falling.
video
here
Creamy Potato Salad
Ingredients
- 6 medium
potatoes (2 pounds)
- 1⁄2 lb bacon, prepared as in Homemade
Fresh Bacon Bits
- 1 cup thinly sliced celery
- 1⁄2 cup finely chopped onion
- 1⁄3 cup sweet pickle relish
- 1 1⁄4
cups mayonnaise or 1 1⁄4 cups salad dressing
- 2 teaspoons sugar
- 2
teaspoons celery seeds
- 2
teaspoons apple cider vinegar
- 2
teaspoons prepared mustard
- 1 1⁄2
teaspoons salt
- 2
hardboiled egg, coarsely chopped
Directions
· Cook potatoes in boiling,
salted water until tender.
· Drain well.
· Peel and cube
potatoes.
· Transfer to a large
bowl.
· Add celery, onion,
sweet relish and bacon bits.
· Combine mayo, sugar,
celery seed, vinegar, mustard, and salt.
· Add mayo mixture to
potatoes.
· Toss lightly to coat
potato mixture.
· Carefully fold in
the chopped eggs.
· Cover and chill
thoroughly.
·
· Bacon bit tip: buy
them at the store already done in the salad dressing aisle.
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