Thursday, December 19, 2019

Through the Keyhole - JANUARY 2020

JAN 2020
Through the Keyhole
Take a break from your day...

Not your typical company OR newsletter
Can you guess the location?
"This city hasn't always been a capital city and is placed upon 8 hills, not 7.  Here you will find one of the world's smallest bookstores but you will never get the recipe for Pasteis de nata (because only 3 people in the world have it).  This place is also known as a 'city of spies'.  Can you name it?"
Send your guess HERE

New YEAR.  New DECADE.
Drone flying through fireworks. Insane.
As we say hello to the year 2020 (hard to believe), we look forward to what this new decade may bring.  Of course, we hope for the obvious - health, wealth and happiness.  Beyond that, we all may have something to wish for... I know for myself, I cannot believe that we are in the year 2020.  It seems like yesterday we were talking about Y2K and that nonsense.  However, that was 20 YEARS AGO. WOW!  I remember having a fancy party at my house on that New Year's Eve hoping that the world wouldn't end (my mother for sure was convinced it would).  The world didn't end but the last 20 years sure produced a lot of interesting developments.

Here are a few...

We now have more electric cars on the road than I had ever imagined.  We have cell phones that have more computing power in them than the space shuttles ever had.  The supersonic jets of the future have disappeared to be replaced by some other form of high speed travel. We now pay strangers to pick us up and take our precious cargo wherever we want to go.  The Red Sox won the world series.  The White Sox won the world series.  The CUBS won the world series (what?). We don't memorize people's phone numbers anymore. Taking a 'selfie' is considered totally normal.  Smoking vanished.  People eat kale and quinoa. Vinyl and streaming music overtook CDs.  The word friend became a verb.  We take off our shoes to fly.  "The Office" has become an abstract concept as we are working from virtually anywhere.  You can't really disappear unless you turn off your phone. Everyone it seems has a blog or a vlog. (those words are new too).  We have to give up our water at the security check point.  You cannot drink alcohol in the pavilion in Ravinia park and rock bands play there now.  Online dating has ZERO stigma.  All of our info is in the cloud.  We don't teach kids how to type anymore and we have gotten really lazy about spelling.  An Emoji is a thing.  Memes are everywhere. Semi-autonomous driving exists.  Everybody is an environmentalist.  Chefs are now celebrities.  We care more about charging batteries than we ever did. WiFi is not optional any longer.  Blockbuster is all but dead and so is Toys R Us.  Come to think of it, most retail as been 'Amazoned' (another new verb).  Podcasts are a thing.  We saw the end of Harry Potter books, American Idol (gone and back again).  Reality shows became hits. The iPod came and went. Facebook (pure evil) began to take over MySpace and then the world. People started posting their personal lives and pictures online as the norm.  The Euro was adopted and EU now starting to crumble.  We elected our first black president then we elected a complete outsider.

That's quite a list.  I wonder if any of the other predictions that have been made along the way will ever come to fruition...

Full self-driving cars
Automobile subscriptions
Flying cars and personal helicopters
Ridding the alphabet of the letters C, X and Q
Telepathy and teleportation
Hyperloop transportation (tubes underground)
Finally make it to Mars
Artificial Intelligence for all kinds of uses (doctors, therapists, machinists, tellers, etc.)


And that is just a short list.  We will see what happens...

Cheers to you in the NEW YEAR!
Y2K
Guess the Location Game

Last month the winner of the guess the location game was Russell Racean who guessed the right answer.  I appreciate all of the participation.  THANKS FOR PLAYING!
Pompeii, (ancient city) Italy
"This ancient city was literally buried long ago in a hot flash.  Once a wealthy town, the inhabitants were literally frozen in a moment creating an archaeologist's dream. Although you can find the area rebuilt today, some say we are just away from this happening again.  Can you name this place?"
Mount Vesuvius, a volcano near the Bay of Naples in Italy, has erupted more than 50 times. Its most famous eruption took place in the year 79 A.D., when the volcano buried the ancient Roman city of Pompeii under a thick carpet of volcanic ash. The dust “poured across the land” like a flood, one witness wrote, and shrouded the city in “a darkness…like the black of closed and unlighted rooms.” Two thousand people died, and the city was abandoned for almost as many years. When a group of explorers rediscovered the site in 1748, they were surprised to find that–underneath a thick layer of dust and debris–Pompeii was mostly intact. The buildings, artifacts and skeletons left behind in the buried city have taught us a great deal about everyday life in the ancient world.
Greek settlers made the town part of the Hellenistic sphere in the 8th century B.C. An independently-minded town, Pompeii fell under the influence of Rome in the 2nd century B.C. and eventually the Bay of Naples became an attraction for wealthy vacationers from Rome who relished the Campania coastline. 
By the turn of the first century A.D., the town of Pompeii, located about five miles from the mountain, was a flourishing resort for Rome’s most distinguished citizens. Elegant houses and elaborate villas lined the paved streets. Tourists, townspeople and slaves bustled in and out of small factories and artisans’ shops, taverns and cafes, and brothels and bathhouses. People gathered in the 20,000-seat arena and lounged in the open-air squares and marketplaces. On the eve of that fateful eruption in 79 A.D., scholars estimate that there were about 12,000 people living in Pompeii and almost as many in the surrounding region.

Villagers around the volcano had long learned to live with their volatile environment. Even after a massive earthquake struck the Campania region in 63 A.D.–a quake that, scientists now understand, offered a warning rumble of the disaster to come–people still flocked to the shores of the Bay of Naples. Pompeii grew more crowded every year.
Sixteen years after that telltale earthquake, in August 79 A.D., Mount Vesuvius erupted again. The blast sent a plume of ashes, pumice and other rocks, and scorching-hot volcanic gases so high into the sky that people could see it for hundreds of miles around. (The writer Pliny the Younger, who watched the eruption from across the bay, compared this “cloud of unusual size and appearance” to a pine tree that “rose to a great height on a sort of trunk and then split off into branches”; today, geologists refer to this type of volcano as a “Plinean eruption.”)
As it cooled, this tower of debris drifted to earth: first the fine-grained ash, then the lightweight chunks of pumice and other rocks. It was terrifying–“I believed I was perishing with the world,” Pliny wrote, “and the world with me”–but not yet lethal: Most Pompeiians had plenty of time to flee.
For those who stayed behind, however, conditions soon grew worse. As more and more ash fell, it clogged the air, making it difficult to breathe. Buildings collapsed. Then, a “pyroclastic surge”–a 100-miles-per-hour surge of superheated poison gas and pulverized rock–poured down the side of the mountain and swallowed everything and everyone in its path.

By the time the Vesuvius eruption sputtered to an end the next day, Pompeii was buried under millions of tons of volcanic ash. About 2,000 Pompeiians were dead, but the eruption killed as many as 16,000 people overall. Some people drifted back to town in search of lost relatives or belongings, but there was not much left to find. Pompeii, along with the neighboring town of Herculaneum and a number of villas in the area, was abandoned for centuries.
1. It was originally Greek
Pompeii was famously a Roman city, right? Well, yes, but the Romans might not have been there first – some of the oldest structures unearthed in Pompeii appear to have been designed by ancient Greek settlers.
2. Nobody knows exactly when Vesuvius erupted
It’s generally accepted that the devastating eruption of Vesuvius happened in 79 AD. For a long time, it was believed that the date of the disaster was August 24th, based on a written record made by Pliny the Younger – a Roman writer who witnessed the event from across the Bay of Naples. But archaeologists have found that the clothing and food preserved in the ash suggest a colder season, possibly October or November. Debate continues …
3.They didn’t know it was a volcano
This one is up for debate, with some historians claiming that Pompeii’s residents knew exactly what they were dealing with – but others say that as it hadn’t erupted for so many years prior to 79 AD, local residents could easily have thought Vesuvius was just another mountain!
4. The wind usually blows the other way
The people of ancient Pompeii really were unlucky. On almost any other day, the prevailing wind would have blown the ash from Vesuvius away from them – but on the day of the eruption, it just so happened that the wind was blowing directly towards Pompeii.
5. People within a certain radius were instantly killed by the heat alone
… and then preserved for centuries by the falling ash.
6. Pompeii remained undiscovered for 1,500 years
The city was unearthed by accident during the digging of a water tunnel in 1599. Real excavation didn’t begin until the 1700s.
7. The ruins of the city are covered in graffiti
And some of it is on the rude side! The people of Pompeii certainly had a sense of humour.
8. Researchers made plaster casts of the victims
As they were unearthing the city, archaeologists noticed that there were empty spaces in the ash layers, showing where there had once been human bodies. As they dug through the ash, they injected plaster into these voids, which solidified in the shape of the space. In this way, replicas were made of the positions people were in when they died.
9. Pompeii is now the world’s largest archaeological site
It covers a vast 150 acres!
10. Vesuvius will erupt again
Its most recent eruption was in 1944, killing 26 people. Nowadays, the Italian authorities are constantly monitoring the volcano’s activity, and there are strict evacuation procedures in place – but no one knows for sure when they’ll be needed.
A day in Pompeii (Full Length Animation) ~8 min.
2 minute video of a tour in the ruins.
It's the end of the world as we know it...
The end of the Windows 7 lifecycle is set for January 14, 2020. "End of life" means Microsoft will discontinue all support, including paid support; and all updates, including security updates.
Between now and then, the operating system (OS) is in an in-between phase known as “extended support.” During this phase, Microsoft is offering paid support, though not the complimentary support that comes with the license; and will continue to provide security updates, but not design and feature updates.

Why Is the Windows 7 Lifecycle Ending?

The Windows 7 "end of life" cycle is similar to that of previous Microsoft operating systems. Microsoft states, “Every Windows product has a lifecycle. The lifecycle begins when a product is released and ends when it's no longer supported. Knowing key dates in this lifecycle helps you make informed decisions about when to update, upgrade or make other changes to your software.” 
Even though Microsoft says it will support Windows 7 until January 2020, it began blocking older machines, such as those using Pentium III, in June 2018. Microsoft can block support for any machine at any time, so Windows 7 users should be prepared.

What Does "End of Life" Mean?

"End of life" is the date after which an application is no longer supported by the company that makes it. After Windows 7 "end of life," you can continue to use the OS, but at your own risk. New computer viruses and other malware are developed all the time and, without the security updates to fight them off, your data and your system are vulnerable.
Receive $100 when you trade up from Windows 7 to Windows 10 Pro PC
TIKTOK...What is it?
Let’s start with the basics. TikTok users flock to the site to create short-form videos, often set to popular music. Many videos on the app feature regular people, usually teens, lip-synching and dancing to popular tracks. Other videos center around short comedic bits, much like Vine, and the app fills the void for lovers of the tragically deceased video hosting service.

TikTok has grown to become one of the largest short-form video sharing apps, but it wasn’t always so well-known. Back when it first launched in 2016, it was a little-known Chinese project called Douyin. It was rebranded into TikTok for U.S. users, and though the two apps are the same, they run on different servers to account for censorship laws in China. The app gathered steam after reaching the U.S. in 2017, but it didn’t gain a major following until the Musical.ly merger.
In August 2018, TikTok absorbed fellow video-sharing app Musical.ly. This skyrocketed the app to mainstream popularity, where it has enjoyed the spotlight for more than a year now. In February 2019, the app—in conjunction with its Chinese equivalent—reached one billion global downloads. Around 80 million of those downloads are in the U.S. alone, and that’s only two years into its lifespan.
TikTok’s headquarters are currently located in Los Angeles, but the company has several other offices around the world, including in New York, London, Paris, Berlin, Dubai, Mumbai, Singapore, Jakarta, Seoul, and Tokyo. Its declared mission is “to inspire creativity and create joy” as “the leading destination for short-form mobile video.”
Beijing-based tech company ByteDance first created Douyin in 2016. The company, which began in 2012, was recently awarded the title of most valuable startup with a worth valued at $75 billion. Douyin and TikTok are far from the company’s only projects. It owns a number of other mobile apps, including popular Chinese news platform Jinri Toutiao and TopBuzz.

TikTok is most enjoyed by people aged between 16 and 24, according to marketing agency Mediakix. Young users overwhelmingly flock to the app, which has caused ByteDance problems in the past. Preteens—or those under 13—are among TikTok’s most prominent users, despite technically going against the app’s rules.

Despite, or perhaps due to, the overwhelming popularity of TikTok, several issues have cropped up in the past few years. The exploitation of young users, in particular, has brought negative attention to the app. As noted above, TikTok creators can make money through digital monetary “gifts,” sent to them by viewers. 
A number of other issues have continued to haunt the popular application. Bullying, a perpetual problem online, has reared its ugly head plenty of times on TikTok. More concerning, however, are the creepy adults that sometimes haunt TikTok videos. In conjunction with the occasionally concerning age of users, this issue could be the most pressing for TikTok. Reports of underaged users as young as nine accidentally sharing their private information has been making waves throughout the internet for months. To top it off, many of the more provocative videos posted there—again, often by young users—are soon rife with comments from creepy older viewers. As with YouTube, TikTok could soon develop an issue with pedophilia.
Even with all the problems, however, TikTok is firmly on the rise. It’s hard to say how the app will change as its reach expands even further, but one thing is certain. Barring any massive missteps, the popular app appears here to stay.
 
Riddle me this...
This is a real Billboard
Do you believe in MIRACLES?
Clever Toppers...
Fads of the 2010's

Angry Birds
A mobile game from Finland where you slingshot a bird into bunch of pigs to try to knock them down. With billions of downloads it quickly became one of the most popular games ever, and spawned sequels such as Angry Birds Rio, Angry Birds Space, and Angry Birds Star Wars, as well as Angry Birds merchandise, PC and console games, TV shows, board games, and movies.

Bottle Flipping
The "sport" of flipping a partially-filled plastic water bottle and trying to make it land upright.

Cash Mobs
A form of Flash Mob where a group of people who assemble at a local business to buy things, to support the local businesses and community. It can also be used to raise money for a cause.

Cronuts
A cream-filled cross between a croissant and a doughnut that hungry New Yorkers waited in line up to 2 hours for each morning. Created by baker Dominique Ansel in 2013, he set a limit of 2 per customer and only baked them early in the morning. Soon they were selling for up to $100 each on the black market.

Cupcake Stores
Fueled by the growing popularity of cupcakes in the 2000s and cupcake reality shows (Cupcake Wars, Cupcakes Girls, DC Cupcakes), cupcake stores started appearing in most major cities throughout the US.

Dabbing
A simple dance move of triumph or playfulness, where a person drops their head into the bent crook of a slanted arm, while raising their opposite arm in a parallel direction but out straight; both arms are pointed to the side and at an upward angle.

Dog Shaming (also Kid Shaming and Baby Shaming)
An internet meme where a dog owner creates a sign to describe a bad thing the dog has done (like "I chewed on the pillow"), and takes a photo of the dog wearing the sign or with the placed next to the dog, and then posts it online.

Draw Something
A mobile app game similar to Pictionary, where you draw something and your opponent tries to guess what it is. Grew virally from people challenging their friends on Facebook.

Dubstep
A type of electronic dance music that originated in London in the late 1990s, but did not enter the mainstream until 2010 when American dubstep producer Skrillex achieved commercial success.

Duck Dynasty
An A&E reality show about the lives of the Robertson family, who run Duck Commander, a business in West Monroe, Louisiana, that makes products (such as duck calls) for duck hunters. The Robertson men (Phil, Si, Jase, Willie, and Jep) are known for their long beards. Duck Dynasty product tie-ins have generated sales of hundreds of millions of dollars at stores such as Walmart, Target, and Kohl's.

Fidget Spinners
Pocket-size metal spinning toys.

Fifty Shades of Grey
An R-rated romance novel published in 2011 by British author E. L. James about the relationship between college graduate Anastasia Steele and young business magnate Christian Grey. It unexpectedly became the fastest selling paperback of all time, even though it received mixed reviews from the critics (many people said it was badly written, full of cliches and clunky prose).

Food Trucks
A way for the on-the-go person to grab a quick bite at a low cost. Most major cities have dozens of food trucks parked throughout the downtown area offering gourmet burgers, lobster rolls, tacos, desserts, and much more.

Frozen Yogurt Stores
Although many ice cream stores have always sold frozen yogurt, and some stores such as TCBY sold it exclusively, all of a sudden in the early 2010s a new type of frozen yogurt store exploded on to the scene, where it offered self serve frozen yogurt machines with many different flavors and a large self serve large toppings bar (Oreos, M&Ms, Hot Fudge, cookie dough, brownies, crushed candy bars, fruit, whipped cream, etc.). Pretty soon national chains like Pinkberry and Orange Leaf had stores all over the country.

Gangham Style
A song released in 2012 by South Korean musician Psy. The accompanying video, featuring Psy doing amusing horse-riding-like dance moves, became the first YouTube video ever to reach a billion views, and ignited a worldwide dance craze. The phrase "Gangnam Style" refers to the lavish and upscale lifestyle associated with the trendsetting Gangnam District of Seoul.

GIF Animations
Animated GIFs became a part of web in the 1990s, from their use in banner ads to glittery hearts to dancing babies and hamsters, but over the years began to be they hated by most internet users. Then suddenly in 2013 they became a craze again (possibly due to popularity of Vine, which people use to create video loops), with millions of people posting more sophisticated animated GIFs on photo sites such as Tumblr, Twitter, and Facebook.

Gluten-free Diets
Eating only foods that don't contain gluten (wheat and grains), so mainly no bread and pasta. Although this is a proven medical treatment for celiac disease and gluten intolerance/sensitivity, despite the claims of many diet book authors, there is no proof that eating gluten-free helps the general population.

Grumpy Cat
A cat who became Internet famous in 2012 due to her grumpy facial expression, which is a result of feline dwarfism. Her real name is Tardar Sauce and she was born in 2012. Her popularity originated from a photo posted by the owner's brother on the news site Reddit.com. Soon she had an agent which led to Grumpy Cat books, t-shirts, mugs, calendars, and TV/movie apperances.

Hipsters
A subculture comprised mostly of white 18-34 year-olds, that is associated with indie/alternative music, non-mainstream fashion such as vintage and thrift store clothing, progressive/independent political views, and alternative lifestyles. It combines elements from other previous movements such as beatnicks, hippies, punk, emo, and grunge. There is no universal definition of a hipster, but one sweeping generalization would be "Artsy kids who hang out in coffee shops using Mac computers." Some hipster jokes -
Q: How do you drown a Hipster?
A: In the mainstream.
Q: How did the hipster burn his tongue?
A: He ate his pizza before it was cool.

Homeade Slime
Kids make it themselves using shaving cream, glue, laundry detergent, borax, water, food coloring, and similar household items.

Honey Boo Boo
A TLC reality show about the redneck family of 6 year-old beauty pageant contestant named Alana "Honey Boo Boo" Thompson in their rural hometown of McIntyre, Georgia. Honey Boo Boo was previously on TLC's Toddlers & Tiaras and was then offered her own show.

Jersey Shore
An MTV reality series that followed the lives of a bunch of housemates living for the summer on the beach in New Jersey. Criticized for its Guido/Guidette portrayals of Italian-American stereotypes, it was MTV highest rated show ever and made Snookie and some of the other castmates into a stars. It also introduced the GTL (Gym, Tan, Laundry) culture to the masses.

Mannequin Challenge
People remain frozen in action like mannequins while a moving camera films them (to post to YouTube).

Occupy Wall Street
In 2011, the Occupy Wall Street movement started in Zuccotti Park in New York City when a group of protesters, frustrated by the economic downturn, lay the blame for the nation's problems on Wall Street and corporate America. Their chant of "We are the 99 percent" led to many national conversations about economic inequality and wealth distribution (i.e. only 1% of the counry is rich). The protesters illegally slept in sleeping bags, tents, or under blankets as they took up temporary residence in the park. These protests soon spread to other cities, but by the end of 2012 the movement had pretty much died out.

Planking
Lying face down with both hands touching the sides of your body, like a wooden plank, usually done in an unusual and original location. Planking photos became popular for a few years on Facebook, Instagram, Tumblr and other photo sites.

Rainbow Loom
A crafting kit for kids that uses hooks and rubber bands to make colorful bracelets and lanyards. It was invented in 2010 by Cheong Choon Ng, who had a degree in mechanical engineering, to help his daughters more easily make bracelets out of rubber bands. Sales were slow until Mr. NG and his daughters posted instructional videos on YouTube, and then Learning Express Toys stores started selling it.

Selfie
A self-portrait photo usually taken with a camera phone, mostly to be posted on a social network like Facebook or Instagram, or to be sent to a friend on Snapchat.

Shake Weight
A modified dumbbell that oscillates, purportedly increasing the effects of exercise, that was an infomercial and viral hit.

Silly Bandz
Colorful rubber band bracelets for kids that snap into various shapes such a unicorn or butterfly. They became so popular schools started banning them because they were causing clasroom dispruptions.

Tebowing
Named after Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow, who would sometimes kneel on one knee and pray with his head bowed down during NFL games. Soon people worlwide started doing this in non-sports situations. Some kids were even suspended from school for doing it. The fad quickly faded in 2012 less than a year after it started.

The Hunger Games
Another teen book series turned into a movie, like The Twilight Saga and Harry Potter that came before it. The story revolves around Katniss Everdeen and her adventures at The Hunger Games, an annual event where 12-18 year-olds are selected by lottery to compete in a televised battle to the death.

The Kardashians
Millions of reality TV viewers were obsessed each week with the adventures of Kim, Kourtney, Khlo�, their momager Kris and her husband Bruce Jenner, and the rest of their family. Kim was often criticized as only being famous for being famous, and the show was controversial for having story lines that appeared at times to be scripted/fabricated, it still became one of the most successful reality shows in history and produced the spin-offs Kourtney and Khlo� Take Miami, Kourtney and Kim Take New York, and Khlo� & Lamar.

The Tea Party Movement
A political group within the Republican party that advocates reducing the U.S. debt and budget deficit by reducing government spending and taxes, with conservative, constitutionally based positions on issues such as gun control, prayer in schools, illegal immigration, and Obamacare. They were instrumental in the temporary government shutdown of 2013, and Democrats accuse them of being fear mongering zealots with destructive strategies who have no interest in governing, only in forcing their ideology on the country. Well known Tea Party members include Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, Ron Paul and Michele Bachmann.

Twerking
A type of dancing made famous by Miley Cyrus, where you shake your hips up and down causing your butt to shake/wobble/jiggle.

Words with Friends
An addicting, Scrabble-like game played on Facebook and mobile devices where you play against a friend or a stranger. It made national news in 2011 when Alec Baldwin was kicked off a plane for refusing to stop playing it.

Yoga Pants
Flexible, form-fitting pants with an elastic waistband folded over at the top, used for yoga and other activities that involve bending and stretching, such as dancing, pilates, aerobics, clubbing, and martial arts. Eventually these pants transcended yoga and became a casual fashion worn by millions of women.

YOLO
A motto meaning "You only live once". Similar to "Carpe Diem", which gained fame when uttered by Robin Williams in the 1980s movie The Dead Poet's Society. YOLO became popular as a motto for people to enjoy life, even if it means taking risks. The term had been used by other people over the years, but Drake's 2011 song "The Motto" brought it to the attention of youth culture.

Zombies
Zombies have always been popular since the horror films of the 1950s, but in the early 2010s they were everywhere: TV shows, video games, and zombie merchandise. There were even zombie runs, which were 5K obstacle courses where runners tried to dodge and escape from zombies that attempted to grab flags from runners' flagbelts.
Although this is fake, it's still cool.
Robot warrior.
Amazing hacks
Put a spoon on top of a boiling pot to keep the water from boiling over.
Use a piece of a pool noodle to keep the cabinet open while working on a sink.
Freeze one part alcohol and two parts water for the perfect flexible ice pack.
Use a clean dustpan to help fill any container that won’t fit in the sink.
Take a bar of soap with you while traveling to keep any dirty clothes smelling fresh in your luggage.
Snowman comes alive
Expensive FAILS
These are not good but some are very funny.
Deep Thoughts
When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.

To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.

When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.

Interviewer: "So, tell me about yourself."
Me: "I'd rather not. I want this job."

Cop: "Please step out of the car."
Me: "I'm too drunk. You get in."

I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.

I had my patience tested. I'm negative.

Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.

If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say "Did you bring the money?"

When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free.  It means I am doing nothing.

Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 PM is the new midnight.

I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.

I run like the winded.

I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.

When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"

I don't remember much from last night, but the fact that I needed sunglasses to open the fridge this morning tells me it was awesome.

When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?

I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.

When I ask for directions, please don't use words like east.
 
Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.

That moment when you walk into a spider web suddenly turns you into a karate master.

Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life outta nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
 
My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.

Random Photos
End of Year Memes

RITZ Broccoli Casserole (so good)

Ingredients

3 pkg. (10 oz. each) frozen chopped broccoli, thawed, drained or use fresh if you like

3/4 lb. (12 oz.) VELVEETA, cut into 1/2-inch cubes

36 RITZ Crackers, coarsely crushed (about 1-1/2 cups), divided

1/4 cup (1/2 stick) butter or margarine, melted

Directions

Heat oven to 350°F.

Mix broccoli, VELVEETA and half the cracker crumbs until well blended.

Spoon into 2-qt. baking dish. Mix remaining cracker crumbs and butter; sprinkle over broccoli mixture.

Bake 45 min. or until heated through.