Friday, May 29, 2020

Through the Keyhole - June 2020

JUNE 2020
Through the Keyhole
Take a break from your day...

Not your typical company OR newsletter
Can you guess the location?"Lots of Californians and celebrities flock to this tropical destination where they have about 350 days of sunshine.. The city is known as the "End of the Earth" and is the Striped Marlin Capital of the World.  And if you want to know what is going on, find a copy of the "Gringo Gazette". Can you guess the location?"

Saluting the "Last Responders"
As we begin the month of June, I am wondering how you are doing.  Can you believe that it has been 76 days since all of this lockdown madness started?  The kids are almost done with school (some already finished) and summer is starting to peek through.  I am grateful that as the weather warms, things seem to be opening up and coming to life.  Barber shops, beauty salons, outdoor dining (25% occupancy) and stores are opening up (albeit with scary masks) but it is a start... By the way - no more than 2 in a boat.  Ugh.  Common sense is not the forte of our Dictator, er I mean Governor.

So many people over the last 2 months have been heralding the first responders, medical professionals and grocery store workers.  Last month, I saluted the small business community and this month I want to recognize the "last responders".

My brother is a funeral director and he has been really busy taking care of the people who have lost their loved ones during this time.  I will say that if there is a bad time to die it's right now.  Jon and his co-workers have had to try to honor the dead by being creative.  They have implemented quiet private moments of farewell and "drive-thru" funerals where the public can pay their respects to the family and get to see the body through picture windows as they slowly drive by.  Although it is not ideal, it is the best one can do when gatherings of 10 or less are only permitted in the State of Illinois. 

All of these "last responders" have to treat everyone as if they have the virus and take caution every day at work and beyond.  Families really want to have visitations but have to be limited to small groups of masked friends and family who are not allowed to touch each other.  Policing people during that time is not an option...  The very reason we have funerals is for those who are left behind.  So many people are basically foregoing any funeral services and postponing memorial services for a later date.  This is an often overlooked side effect of this crisis and I think it is important to recognize. 

I am not trying in any way to be morbid but rather for us all to think about the devastating effects that this situation is doing behind the scenes.  Most people don't think about these "last responders" and how their compassion helps people.  I would say that they are doing a great job given the circumstances and I know my father would have been so proud of the job Jon has been doing.  I know I am super proud of him every day.

So, for the seven people who actually read this newsletter, I really admire the kind of innovation I have seen from my brother and hope that in a very small way we all appreciate his kindness and compassion at this very strange time in the world.  Stay strong.  I hope we can honor peoples' lives much more freely in the very near future.

Ok, enough seriousness.

Time for the TOMFOOLERY!

Jay Leno and Elon Musk's Cybertruck
That's me in 1996. My how time flies...
Guess the Location Game

Last month the winner of the guess the location game was Fun Joe Bettinger
 who guessed the right answer.  I appreciate all of the participation.  THANKS FOR PLAYING!
ANSWER: Atlanta, Georgia
"This city literally recreated in real life what The Walking Dead created on the small screen.  Left side of photo is the TV show, the right side is a photo from last month.  Home to Puff Daddy, P. Diddy, Sean Combs, Puffy, Diddy, and Brother Love. Can you guess the location?"

Atlanta leads the nation with the title of “City in a Forest”, with over 100,000 shade trees planted and distributed through the non-profit ‘Trees Atlanta’. The National Forest Service has recognized Atlanta as “the most heavily forested urban area in the country,” covering 47.9% of the city.

Atlanta is home to 71 streets with a variation of the word “Peachtree” in their names: Peachtree Avenue, Peachtree Plaza, etc… however, there are no peach trees in Atlanta, nor are peach trees native to the area! The name “peachtree” evolved from “pitch tree,” which is what the native pine trees were called because of their sticky sap.

What do Outkast, Ludacris, Gucci Mane, Childish Gambino, CeeLo Green, Waka Flocka, and Killer Mike all have in common? Atlanta. But not only do some of the most famous rappers and hip-hop artists call Atlanta home, other bands such as the Black Lips, Manchester Orchestra, and Deerhunter, have gotten their start here.

Atlanta is the only city in North America to have been destroyed as an act of war when General Sherman burnt it to the ground in November of 1864. Only 400 buildings survived the razing, but the city rebuilt itself from the ashes — which is why the city symbol is the phoenix.
Georgia now ranks third in the nation in US film production, and first in growth. More television and movie producers are catching on that Atlanta, with its attractive tax policies, is the place to film.
To name a few projects that have been shot in the city, there’s Anchorman 2, The Hunger Games, Zombieland, Driving Miss Daisy, The Walking Dead, Captain America: Civil War, Allegiant, The Vampire Diaries, Insurgent, Ant-Man, Furious 7, anything on Cartoon Network, Guardians of the Galaxy 2, Selma, Taken 3, and an additional 140 films and TV shows since 2008. Take that, Los Angeles and NYC!
Buckhead, one of Atlanta’s most affluent neighborhoods and shopping mecca of the South, owes its unusual name to 19th Century local general store owner Henry Irby.
Irby killed a large deer and prominently mounted the buck head on the wall of his establishment, a popular outpost for locals and travelers. The name stuck, despite efforts to change it in the late 1800s.

The tallest building in the United States outside of New York City or Chicago is located in Atlanta, Georgia. The Bank of America Plaza stands at 1,023 feet tall and dominates the city’s skyline. One of the interesting parts of the design of the building is that there are no street-level pedestrian entrances, most people enter and exit the building from the parking areas located underground.

In terms of the largest concentration of the Fortune 500 companies in the USA, the city of Atlanta ranks third.
A Famous Place to Eat in Atlanta.
Secrets of Atlanta ~5 minutes
Tour of a really nice home for sale in Atlanta for a cool $1.9M ~3 minutes
Tree Fails are BACK
Some of these are painful. (10 minutes)
Senior Pranks (not happening this year)
Some of these are really good.  ~10 Minutes
Virtual Vacations
Virtual Walkthrough Paris ~8 minutes
New Amazing Products
You can buy these things today... ~10 minutes
See if you can get it.
A good reason to wear pajamas...
Oh Johnny.
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, ”Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?”

“None,” replied Johnny, “cause the rest would fly away.”

“Well, the answer is four,” said the teacher, “but I like the way you’re thinking.”

Little Johnny says, “I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?”

“Well,” said the teacher nervously, “I guess the one sucking the cone.”

“No,” said Little Johnny, “the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you’re thinking.”
Perfectly Timed Photos.
Dad Jokes
Man sings Celine and Andrea in song...
This guy is amazing. VIDEO ~5 minutes.
Lake Thomas, Florida
The first 2 pictures were taken by a KTBS helicopter flying over Lake Thomas, Winter Haven, Florida
The helicopter pilot and the game wardens on the ground were in communication via 2-way radios.
Here is a transcript of their conversation.

'Air1, have you a visual on the gator, Over'

'Approaching inlet now, Over'

'Roger Air1' 'Gator sighted. Looks like it has a small animal in its mouth....moving in, over'
'Roger Air1' 'Oh Crap it's a Deer!'
'Confirm Air1. Did you say Deer, Over'
'Roger.........a Deer in its mouth....looks like a full sized buck....that's a big gator, boys. We're gonna need more men, Over'
'Roger Air1.....can you give me an idea on size of animal, over'

'It's a big one.....25 feet at least, please advise, gator is heading to I pursue, Over'
That has to be a HUGE gator to have a whole deer in its mouth! The deer was later found to be a mature Stag.
If you ski at the west end of the lake ---- try not to fall overboard.
This alligator was found between Lakeland and Winter Haven Florida near the house of Anita and Charlie Rogers, who could hear the beast bellowing in the night.

Their neighbors had been telling them that they had seen a mammoth alligator in the waterway that runs behind their house, but they dismissed the stories as exaggerations.

'I didn't believe it,' Charles Rogers said, but after the alligator was killed, they realized the stories were, if anything, understated.

Game wardens were forced to shoot the alligator.  Joe Goff, a 6'5" tall game warden, shown below, walks past the 28-foot, 1-inch long alligator that he helped shoot and kill in the Rogers ' back yard.
Photo Recreations...
And That's How the Fight Started...
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...


In England, I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started.....


My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started...


When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,
making beer.. Always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into
the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again
I handed her a toothbrush.

I said, "When you finish cutting the
grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.


My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...


Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential
downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather
would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back;
now with a different anticipation,
and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...


My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started......


After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply
for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me

for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets

and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that

I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped
your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'

And then the fight started...


My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And then the fight started........


I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!

The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'
So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'

That's how the fight started.


One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot
as a Christmas gift...

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.

Can you say RANDOM?
And Finally...
Coming this summer to Millennials near you...

Spicy Chicken Lettuce Wraps


  • 2 Tbsp. soy sauce
  • 1 Tbsp. dark brown sugar
  • 1 tsp. fish sauce
  • 1 Tbsp. sambal oelek or Sriracha, plus more for serving
  • 2 Tbsp. vegetable oil
  • 3 scallions, white and pale green parts only, thinly sliced
  • 2 garlic cloves, finely chopped
  • 1 lb. ground chicken
  • Kosher salt
  • Bibb lettuce leaves, lime wedges, and tender herbs (for serving)  


  • Mix soy sauce, sambal oelek, brown sugar, and fish sauce in a small bowl; set aside.
  • Heat oil in a skillet over medium. Add scallions and garlic and cook, stirring occasionally, until softened (a little color is okay), about 3 minutes. Add chicken and lightly season with salt. Cook, breaking up with a wooden spoon and tossing occasionally, until chicken is cooked through, 5–7 minutes. Add reserved soy sauce mixture and cook, tossing occasionally, until liquid is almost completely reduced, about 2 minutes.
  • Serve chicken mixture with lettuce, herbs, lime wedges, and more sambal oelek for making lettuce wraps.

 All rights reserved.

Our mailing address is:
210 S. Milwaukee Ave. Wheeling, IL 60090 USA