Through the Keyhole - April 2019

APR 2019 Through the Keyhole Take a break from your day... Not your typical company OR newsletter Can you guess the location? "Pictured here is an amphitheatre 10 miles away from this major American city.  The outdoor venue has seen most major bands throughout the ages and is a terrific place to take in a concert.  The city is home to a few major sports teams that are a mile above the rest.  And the state was one of the first to legalize marijuana." Send your guess HERE Those April Showers...Bring May Flowers Right about now, we are all getting a little anxious for Spring to arrive. It's about this time of year where we get a few days that are spectacular sprinkled in with quite a bit of rain and thunderstorms.  If you have a dog it is time to get out the bucket to wash its feet every time he/she hits the yard.  Most of the time, we go straight from winter to summer.  However, spring can be lovely and I am hoping for a nice, temperate season. I also want to wish everyone a Happy Easter and a Happy Passover.  For those of you, like me, have given up something for Lent, only 3 weeks to go...  May God Bless all of you this Holy Season. Spring is the season of new beginnings and fresh starts (wasn't that supposed to be New Years?).  You can finally clean out your closets, Purge yourself of things you really don't use or need.  The truth is - cleaning is no fun (unless you are my wife).  She loves to purge out the old and organize.  It makes for a clutter free home but Saturdays can be filled with 'fun' projects for the whole family. Many of us have already had our spring breaks.  However, there are some who won't get theirs until Easter.  If school holidays were high school kids, Christmas would be the introspective religious one, President's Day would be the nerd and spring break would be the hot, popular kid.  If that is the case then spring break is the hot popular kid who flirts with you just enough to keep you interested but makes fun of you for wearing Old Navy sweatshirts behind your back.  Spring break gives you one tantalizing week of warm fun in the sun and then sends you back to reality as soon as you start to relax. Welcome Spring! When I think about Spring Break, I always think back to the one in 1990 when I went to South Padre Island with a bunch of friends from my fraternity (along with a few hundred other Purdue students who happened to visit the 'mecca' of spring-breakers at the time). This trip was going to be epic.  We rented a couple of very large condo like hotel rooms at the Sheraton hotel in South Padre.  The drinking age was 18 but just about everyone got a fake IL DL from California and Archer where they mass produced these phonies.  The hotel had virtually no real adults in it.  A few behind the counter but that is where they stayed.  Those manager had to HATE those spring break weeks.  I know I would. What was funny is that very few other colleges had their breaks as early as we did.  So basically everywhere you went, you saw people you knew and there was little room (at least in my group) for meeting new people.  That changed at the end of our week when the Texas schools arrived. The week was filled with debauchery but nothing really unsavory.  Sure there was alcohol, cigarettes and girls everywhere but the trip was more about hanging with your friends and entertaining each other. There were kegs of beer on the beach (keg stands), half-dressed people everywhere, impromptu limbo contests, volleyball games and wet t-shirt contests...oh and that weird kid who played Grateful Dead tunes on his guitar while stoned out of his mind.  The t-shirt contests got especially racy when the Texas girls arrived.  I remember thinking that those girls didn't look much like the girls I went to college with.  They were somewhat more 'mature' in their appearance and they simply did not mind letting it all hang out.  How we howled at the spectacle. The good news is that nobody that I knew got in any real trouble and we all had a very safe, fun time (albeit with moments of near peril).  As it turns out, that was my only real cliché style spring break but those memories will be burned in my memory forever.  Especially seeing Marlboro pass out mini packs of cigarettes, the keg stands with people who over did it. Oh...and the girls from Texas. Ahh the memories... And one more thing.  My future wife was there too and I have the videotape to prove it.  She was clearly annoyed by me then.  Good stuff.   Guess the Location Game Last month the winner of the guess the location game was Hillary Ross who guessed the right answer.  I appreciate all of the participation.  THANKS FOR PLAYING! Minneapolis/St. Paul, MN - Keyhole Answer "This American city is COLD but it also warms up in the summer where people have 10,000 places to boat, swim, fish, canoe, and enjoy.  This year it hosts one of collegiate sports storied tournament finales.  It also has two parts with two names (one of them is the capital of the state)...And my father went to college here." Yes. My father went to Minnesota for a couple of years and he joined SAE's and word is he sent his laundry home via US mail to have his mother do it for him... I should have tried that.  My Uncle Jim and Aunt Connie also raised their family there as Pillsbury was headquartered in Minneapolis (and that is where he worked).  I was dumbfounded when they sent us the first microwavable popcorn I had ever seen.  You had to keep it in the freezer until you were ready to pop it.  Not that any of this should matter to you but I have fond memories as a kid visiting my cousins... The Pillsbury Company (pictured above) was a Minneapolis, Minnesota-based company that was one of the world's largest producers of grain and other foodstuffs until it was bought out by General Mills in 2001. Antitrust law required General Mills to sell off some of the products, so the company kept the rights to refrigerated and frozen Pillsbury branded products (not popcorn), while dry baking products and frosting were sold by its Orrville, Ohio-based Smucker company under license. Brynwood Partners agreed to purchase Pillbury from Smuckers for $375 million in July 2018. Smuckers is my favorite brand of jelly and other gelatinous products.  So there's that - full circle. Ha! The Final Four will be played in Minneapolis April 6-8.   Some fun facts about the cities:   Minnesota is infamous for its cold winters. Luckily, Minneapolis residents can stay warm with the Minneapolis Skyway, an indoor pedestrian walkway system that links many downtown buildings. Spanning 69 blocks and seven miles, it's the longest continuous skyway system in the world.   Minnesota’s capital city isn’t Minneapolis—it’s St. Paul. Although Minneapolis is a bigger city, St. Paul is home to the state’s government.   Prince was born and raised in Minneapolis, and remains a proud local to this day. In the late 1970s, he pioneered what music magazines would soon dub the “Minneapolis sound”—a hybrid of R&B, funk, rock, pop, and new wave.   Although it’s known as a friendly Midwestern city, St. Paul was once a hub of nefarious criminal activity during the Prohibition era. Thanks to the city’s police chief, John O’Connor, gangsters could “freely roam St. Paul as long as they stayed out of trouble and paid a percentage of their earnings to the department,” writes Chad Lewis in The Minnesota Road Guide to Gangster Hotspots.   Minneapolis recently surpassed Washington, D.C. to become America’s “Most Literate City.” Conducted by Central Connecticut State University president Dr. Jack Miller, the study evaluates and compares urban areas’ local bookstores, library resources, newspaper circulation and education levels.   Located right outside the Twin Cities in Bloomington, Minnesota, the Mall of America is a great place to go clothes shopping—especially because Minnesota has no sales tax on apparel and accessories. But while it’s the biggest mall in America, it’s not the largest in North America. That honor belongs to West Edmonton Mall in Alberta, Canada.   The original single girl in the big city wasn’t Carrie Bradshaw—it was Mary Richards in The Mary Tyler Moore Show. The 1970s sitcom followed the triumphs and tribulations of a 30-year-old woman as she adjusted to life on her own in Minneapolis after a bad break-up.   The Honeycrisp Apple was named the Minnesota State Fruit in 2006, and for good reason—it was invented by the University of Minnesota as part of an apple breeding program.   The greater Twin Cities area has one of the highest concentrations of Fortune 500 Companies in the country. 17 corporate behemoths—including Target, Best Buy, General Mills, and Land O’Lakes—currently call the region home.   St. Paul is home to Summit Avenue, the country's longest preserved avenue of Victorian houses and buildings. The street is lined with giant, Gilded Age homes, including 36,000-square-foot mansion of James J. Hill, who was once the richest man in Minnesota.   Minnesota is the state of 10,000 lakes—and the greater Minneapolis area is home to more than 22 of them. And last but not least, one of my favorite Christmas movies was filmed there - Jingle All the Way (starring Arnold Schwarzenegger) Who knew? What to do and see in MPLS Minneapolis by the seasons (2 min.) Minnie is an understatement (2 min.) New Show - Must SEE A Man's Guide to Nails... A man has created a dating guide for men to help them work out whether they are with the right girl depending on her talons of choice. In his "book" called "Nails At First Sight", Twitter user Rocky claimed he had spent "countless hours of research" looking into what women's nails signal to help his "bros" decide whether they should keep investing their time in her.   Those with nude talons are "safe", he said in a video shared on the social media site to show off his guide.   Black or white nails signal a "dangerous" woman.   And he advised men to stay away from girls who choose a yellow shade.   The Twitter user called Rocky shared a video of his "book" called "Nails At First Sight" Rocky explained: "If she has the courage to get yellow nails, she has the courage to chop off your b*lls."   However, it wasn't just color of varnish which could be a deal breaker, apparently. He insisted that nail shape matters too.   Square and rounded nails get the thumbs up, while he warned men to stay away from women with pointed nails because they are "meant to hurt you" and are likely to be a "heartbreaker". Good News for a CHANGE Firefighters in Arizona putting out a Mexican fire. A middle school started a "Breakfast With Dads" program, but many dads couldn't make it and several students didn't have father figures. The school posted a Facebook request for 50 volunteer fathers...  600 fathers from all backgrounds showed up. Every morning, my father places bird food in the yard so that my mother will wake up to this view. The bride's father died ten years ago, and his heart was donated. The man who received the transplant walked her down the aisle. "Live gave me the gift of you" - A Marine's 4 year old son cries tears of joy, after hearing his new step-mom's vows for him. See the video here.  It will make you cry... Best Bathroom Signs... EVER. Attorney Jokes... These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! _______________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral... _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. Interesting Glass takes one million years to decompose, which means it never wears out and can be recycled an infinite amount of times! Gold is the only metal that doesn't rust, even if it's buried in the ground for thousands of years Your tongue is the only muscle in your body that is attached at only one end. If you stop getting thirsty   , you need to drink more water. When a human body is dehydrated, its thirst mechanism shuts off. Zero is the only number that cannot be represented by Roman numerals. Kites were used in the American Civil War to deliver letters and newspapers. The song Auld Lang Syne is sung at the stroke of midnight in almost every English-speaking country in the world to bring in the new year. Drinking water after eating reduces the acid in your mouth by 61 percent. Drinking a glass of water before you eat may help digestion and curb appetite. Peanut oil is used for cooking in submarines because it doesn't smoke unless it's heated above 450F. The roar that we hear when we place a seashell next to our ear is not the ocean, but rather the sound of blood surging through the veins in the ear. Nine out of every 10 living things live in the ocean The banana cannot reproduce itself. It can be p ropagated only by the hand of man. Airports at higher altitudes require a longer airstrip due to lower air density. The University of Alaska spans four time zones. The tooth is the only part of the human body that cannot heal itself. In ancient Greece   , tossing an apple to a girl was a traditional proposal of marriage.  Catching it meant she accepted. Warner Communications paid 28 million for the copyright to the song Happy Birthday, which was written in 1935! Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair. A comet's tail always points away from the sun. The Swine Flu vaccine in 1976 caused more death and illness than the disease it was intended to prevent. Caffeine increases the power of aspirin and other painkillers, that is why it is found in some medicines. The military salute is a motion that evolved from medieval times, when knights in armor raised their visors to reveal their identity. If you get into the bottom of a well or a tall chimney and look up, you can see stars, even in the middle of the day. When a person dies, hearing is the last sense to go. The first sense lost is sight. In ancient times strangers shook hands to show that they were unarmed. Strawberries and cashews are the only fruits whose seeds grow on the outside. Avocados have the highest calories of any fruit at 167 calories per hundred grams. The Moon moves two inches away for the earth every year. The Earth gets 100 tons heavier every day due to falling space dust. Due to earth's gravity it is impossible for mountains to be higher than 15,000 meters. Mickey Mouse is known as "Topolino" in Italy . Soldiers do not march in step when going across bridges because they could set up a vibration which could be sufficient to knock the bridge down Everything weighs one percent less at the equator. For every extra kilogram carried on a space flight, 530 kg of excess fuel are needed at lift off                                                                                              The letter J does not appear anywhere on the periodic table of the elements. Yeah Right... Makeup Artists with serious TALENT Randomness... Just in time for EASTER BRUNCH SLOW COOKER Ham and Cheddar Breakfast Casserole   Ingredients 12 large eggs 1 cup 2% milk 1 teaspoon salt 1/2 teaspoon pepper 1 package (30 ounces) frozen shredded hash brown potatoes, thawed 2 cups cubed fully cooked ham (about 1 pound) 1 medium onion, chopped 4 cups shredded cheddar cheese Directions Whisk together first four ingredients. Place a third of the potatoes in a greased 5- or 6-qt. slow cooker; layer with a third of each of the following: ham, onion and cheese. Repeat layers twice. Pour egg mixture over top. Refrigerate, covered, overnight. Cook, covered, on low until set and edges begin to brown, 4-5 hours. Turn off slow cooker. Remove insert; let stand, uncovered, 30 minutes before serving.  All rights reserved. Our mailing address is: 210 S. Milwaukee Ave. Wheeling, IL 60090 USA Want to change how you receive these emails? You can update your preferences or unsubscribe from this list.

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