It's Time to
Derby!
As May begins, there is lots to look forward to. We
have some really great things to see and celebrate this month.
- May Day (what's
that?)
- The Kentucky Derby
- Mother's Day (May 13)
- Cannes Film Festival
- Monaco Grand Prix
- The Preakness
- NYC Fleet Week
Most people think that May should be warmer than it really
is in Chicago. The truth is that Chicago averages 66/53 with 8 days
of rain. So there's that. Summer is just around the corner and
you will find it late next month.
I have never been to the Kentucky Derby but I usually always place a
ceremonial $5 bet on some horse whose name is appealing. Do you
remember "I'll have another"? My wife had that one.
How about "Animal Kingdom", "Giacomo", "Smarty
Jones", or my favorite "War Emblem"? I hear that the
Derby is fun but the real fun is had on the day before at an event called
The Kentucky Oaks. I suppose it is a little less expensive and less
hoopla...
The Kentucky Oaks
is America’s premier and most lucrative race for 3-year old fillies –
female horses - held each year on the day before the Kentucky Derby. This
feature race is a $1 Million Grade 1 stakes race and awards the winning
filly a garland of lilies, appropriately named “lilies for the fillies.”
Like the Kentucky Derby, the Longines Kentucky Oaks race is one of the
longest continually held sporting events in American history, and one of
the only horse races to take place at the original site of its inception.
The race was established on May 19th, 1875, by the same founder of the
Kentucky Derby, Colonel Meriwether Lewis Clark, and is modeled after the
British Epsom Oaks.
Something Trivial about the Month of May:
1. The month May was
named for Maia, the Greek goddess of fertility.
2. In any given year,
no month ever begins or ends on the same day of the week as May does.
Prove me wrong...
3. May's birthstone is
the emerald which is emblematic of love and success.
4. The United Kingdom
celebrates May as the National Smile Month.
5. On May 1, 1931, the
Empire State Building was officially opened.
And now for a new
picture above- Can you guess where it is by looking "through the
keyhole"? Can
you guess the location?
"As the highest Mountain in this country, you'll find a volcano at
its peak. But don't think it will be warm when you summit as climbing
season is officially in July and August where you'll need more than a
t-shirt to keep you warm. This scene has inspired artists and poets
and been the object of pilgrimage for centuries."
Correct answers will be given recognition but half the fun is trying to
figure it out. The correct answer will be revealed in the subsequent
issue. Good luck and have fun.
If you like this newsletter, forward it to someone else or sign them up HERE.
As always, send any items you think are newsworthy, interesting or just
plain odd to news@turnkey.pro
Marbella,
Spain - Keyhole Answer
"An Arabic
Palace fit for a king lies here as a marble and gold replica of the White
House. An hours drive to the Prudential Rock. The people take siestas each
day and hablan Espanol. The O'Brien's (and lots of other folks) went there
on their Honeymoon."
Last month, Nick Oliveri won the location
by guessing correctly. His answer - " I think it's
Marbella Spain, but I'm not really sure." Great job!
In the chic, sun-drenched Costa del Sol town of Marbella,
hints of its former Moorish occupation mingle with modern-day resort
amenities. Bask on the sands of famous La Fontanilla beach or ricochet
among the area's family-oriented water, wildlife and theme parks.
Experience the Andalusian charm of the historic quarter, filled with
whitewashed buildings, remnants of a ninth-century Arab fortress and
fragrant orange trees. End a relaxing day with a dish of the cold almond
soup ajoblanco and some of the region's excellent dessert wine.
The elegant resort
of Marbella, situated in the foothills of the Sierra Blanca, on the Costa
del Sol, in the province of Malaga. A model Mediterranean resort and firm
favourite with holidaymakers from all over the world.
Since the 70s, Marbella has been renowned as a playground for the rich and
famous. Yet underneath all the swagger, there is so much more to Marbella.
It has a wonderfully cosmopolitan atmosphere, exudes charisma; attracting
visitors for its many facets: diverse beaches, mild climate, multitude of
leisure facilities, including some of the best golf courses in Europe;
Michelin star restaurants, world-class nightlife and International luxury
shopping brands.
Marbella is a charming, warm and welcoming city, beguiling to all who visit
her. So it’s no surprise that time and again, it tops the most visited city
in Spain list. Who wouldn’t want a piece of the action in Marbella?
Marbella’s motto is "a way of life", if you are looking for a
holiday that offers great beaches, wonderful all-year round climate, unique
leisure facilities, gastronomy and entertainment, then choose Marbella, its
way of life will enchant you.
FINALLY...
Road Rage is Never a Good Thing...
watch this video
and enjoy the ending (we do not condone violence but this is funny)
The Masters
In 1934 Bobby Jones requested the USGA to host the US Open at
Augusta. USGA said no.
Angry at the rebuff. Bobby Jones and Cliffort Roberts decided to have their
own event, which
became the Masters. The Masters is not a Championship of anything.
"You are the winner of the Masters".
The Masters is one of the most unusual events in sports.
It's all about tradition, and it's defined by a set of odd rules and
customs that just don't exist outside of Augusta National. It's great.
We compiled the oddest traditions that make the Masters and Augusta one of
a kind.
Food prices are ridiculously low.
Tipping is BANNED
Cell phones are prohibited at ALL TIMES and cameras are not permitted
during the tournament.
It's the only place in the world where there are long lines for payphones.
There's a huge fence around the course to keep out animals. There has
only been one deer sighting in the last 65 years.
Only 4 minutes of commercials
are allowed per hour and no blimps are allowed.
TV commentators are not
allowed to refer to fans as "fans" or "spectators" They
are to be called "patrons," and the rough is to be referred to as
the "second cut."
The Masters banned CBS broadcaster Gary McCord in 1995 for saying,
"They don't cut the greens here at Augusta, they use bikini wax."
Players had to use local
caddies provided by Augusta until 1983. Players are allowed to use
their own caddies now, but they must wear the Augusta uniform — green hat,
white jumpsuit.
Like many golf courses, there
is good fishing at Augusta National, but the players don't like to talk
about it because it is forbidden.
In 2011, Monte Burke of Forbes interviewed golfers about the best fishing
spots on the PGA Tour.
When Augusta was brought up, he described their responses as
"squeamish" and they only admitted to hearing there were some
good spots.
A former caddie was willing to tell Burke that the best spots are the creek
in front of the 12th hole ("full of bream"; seen above) and the
pond at the 16th hole ("brimming with bass").
Fans, oops, we mean patrons, aren’t allowed to wear their hats backwards.
Patrons can bring collapsible
chairs to sit on, but those chairs are not allowed to have armrests.
Running is not allowed unless
you are a player.
Grounds crew members used to wear hard hats.
There is an odd myth that the grounds crew at Augusta packs the azalea
plants with ice if spring comes early. The idea is that this will keep the
plants from flowering too soon before the tournament.
You can't apply to become a member at Augusta. It's nearly impossible
to become a member at Augusta. You must be nominated by a current Augusta
member, and new initiations generally aren't accepted unless someone quits
or dies. The total membership hovers around 300.
Augusta is closed in the summer to keep the course in pristine shape.
Players are given a brand-new
Mercedes for use during the week.
Golf cart drivers who are hired to drive the players around Augusta
National also pick up the golfers at the airport in the Mercedes they will
be using. The cars also have a number in the back window so that employees
can always identify the players by which car they are in.
You can go to jail for selling tickets.
Twenty-four people were arrested outside Augusta in 2012 for trying to
scalp tickets.
The course is insane about who it lets into the tournament and it's illegal
to sell tickets within 2,700 feet of the gates.
You can only ask for autographs in one part of the course.
Fans always line the ropes at big tournaments in hopes of getting a
signature. But this is tougher to do at Augusta. You can only try and
solicit an autograph on the Washington Road side of the clubhouse, near the
practice facilities.
The bunkers at Augusta are filled with mining waste.
You know those pristine white bunkers? They're actually
composed of waste product from the mining of aluminum, according to
Golf.com
Basically, there's this company that mines feldspar (rocks) for aluminum.
This process produces waste in the form of bright, pure quartz — that's
what Augusta uses.
The old media center was enormous.
Augusta opened a new media center this year and it is gorgeous.
The course used cows as lawnmowers in the 1940s.
Augusta is its own universe with a tenuous connection to the outside world
(see: all the ridiculous anecdotes in this slideshow). But WWII affected
Augusta just like it did the rest of the country. During the war,
Augusta didn't have the manpower to maintain the course, so they set 200
cattle loose on the grounds in hopes that they would "trim” the grass
by eating it.
"Mad
Dog" Mattis REAL Quote of the month
“We've backed off
in good faith to try and give you a chance to straighten this problem
out. But I am going to beg with you for a minute. I'm going to
plead with you, do not cross us. Because if you do, the survivors
will write about what we do here for 10,000 years.”
Techie
Texting
Amazing Magician -
WATCH IT!
If this doesn’t
stagger your imagination and tug at at least one of your heartstrings,
nothing will.
Pizza Is A
Sandwich - Prove me wrong
Pizza is a sandwich. Pizza is
the world's most popular hot open-faced sandwich.
It's a scandalous idea for a
scandalous time. But there is a method behind this mad declaration and I
truly believe that if you follow the chain of reasoning you will liberate
your mind from all false consciousness.
This is not an
intellectual journey for the faint of heart.
Sandwich Theory has historically been more ideology than science and to
transition from darkness to light is an inevitably painful process
(brilliantly exemplified in the ten-minute alleyway fight scene in John
Carpenter's They Live when Nada attempts to force Frank to wear
sunglasses). But enlightenment demands a ruthless criticism of everything
that exists, ruthless in the sense of fearing neither the powers that would
stop our inquiry nor the terrifying conclusions we may uncover.
Window that Turns
into a Balcony.
This is a really great idea. I have no idea how much it costs
but it really is innovative.
Video HERE
Church Bulletin
Fun
They're Back!
Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for the church ladies with
typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were
announced at church services:
--------------------------
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
--------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
--------------------------
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water. 'The sermon tonight:
'Searching for Jesus.'
--------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those
things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
--------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious
pleasure to the congregation.
--------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.
--------------------------
Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir They need all the help
they can get.
--------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.
So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music
will follow.
--------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?'
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
--------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several
new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
--------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person
you want remembered.
--------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
gracious hostility.
--------------------------
Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be
seen in the basement on Fridayafternoon.
--------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from
the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
--------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend
him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the
back door.
--------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this
tragedy.
--------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please
use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------
And this one just about sums them all up
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last
Sunday:
'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'
Profound?
NAH.
How important does
a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just
murdered?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a
good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like
every two hours?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars
to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway...
Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible
crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about
him?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both
dogs!
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,
what is baby oil made from?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's
face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks
his head out the window?
Why, Why, Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the
batteries are getting dead?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is
not enough money?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but
check when you say the paint is wet?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a
revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are
always white?
Is there ever a day that sofas are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that
something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a thread a dozen times with their vacuum
cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give
the
vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off
the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when
we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering
from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if
they're okay, then it's you.
Conchita's Salsa Verde
This recipe is from a dear
friend in Mexico who taught me how to make the best salsa verde. It
is simple but takes a little time. This salsa is the basis for many
things, Chiliquiles, Enchiladas, you name it- this salsa will have your
friends asking for the recipe.
Ingredients
10-12 Tomatillos (small
green tomatoes de-husked)
4 serrano peppers
1 large clove of garlic
1 small bunch of
cilantro
1/2 onion
salt
Chicken bouillon
Method
To begin with, fill a
pot with enough water so that you have enough to cover the tomatillos
(don't put them in yet). Remove the stems from the serrano peppers
and leave them whole. Add the peppers to the water and bring them to
a rapid boil. Turn off the heat. Add the tomatillos to the pot
with the peppers, cover and leave overnight (or at least a few hours).
Add the tomatillos and
peppers to a blender with a little of the water they have been soaking
in. Also add the garlic clove, cilantro and 1/4 onion. Blend.
Add salt to taste. If you are unsure of the level of spice, add one
pepper at a time to achieve desired heat index.
Now get the salsa to a
thin but not too thin consistency and taste until you have the right level
of heat and salt. You can add water to thin it out.
In a pan large enough
to hold the blender's contents, take the rest of your onion and saute in
oil to soften the rings and get them slightly browned.
Add the blender's
contents to this pan to cover the onion you have sauteed.
Add two cubes of
chicken bouillon (crushed). Dissolve and bring to a boil.
Now you are ready to
use your salsa verde in just about anything.
Disfruten!
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